Yesterday I had a long chat with one of my closest male friends, one who I haven't talked to in a while. Naturally, the subject turned to girls and his insistence that "he just wants to find a sweet, cute, girl". He began talking about how he didn't really want a "hot" girl, because they often do not have the little weaknesses and eccentricities that other girls do. I don't know how you really define what is "hot", but I think it is not so much in the eye of the beholder, as in the eye of what's fashionable at the time.
Anyway, as the conversation shifted he started talking about how as summer comes in, girls start to dress more skimpily, wearing short pants and low cut shirts. He started going on about hot girls etc etc.... considering the fact that boys are very one-dimensional on this topic, it's easy to imagine what it sounded like.
Usually I don't mind talking about this stuff with him. I actually find it quite an insight into the thinking of the opposite sex. But this time, it struck a sour note with me. Suddenly I began judging myself up against other girls who I find to be beautiful and these stupid thoughts kept running in my head - you should lose weight, you should wear tighter clothes, you should act like all those other girls.
It kept running through my mind and I actually dreamt about it. I have no idea why this particular conversation reduced my self-esteem to record lows, but I can't deny that it did. Even the protestations of Dino, who kept saying he liked me just the way I am, couldn't ease my troubled mind.
Then while I was eating lunch and feeling as if I better go and spew it all up again in an hour, I realized how stupid I have been. Why must we girls constantly let boys get us down? Why do we increasingly let them judge us by such superficial standards?
Do I go around to other guys and wolf whistle if they have muscles? It happened to me on Saturday afternoon from this sleazy random guy who also commented on my chest. It's not a compliment, it's a symbol of ongoing oppression. Imagine if girls started doing it! I know there are people out there who very likely do, but somehow it doesn't seem to be as widespread as when boys do it.
I guess men are always going to be that way, they're always going to judge a girl's worth by what she presents on the outside.
From a Wikipedia entry on Germaine Greer's The Female Eunuch:
"Greer argued that women do not realize how much men hate them, and how much they are taught to hate themselves."
I think this is very true, even if I think it may be a bit extreme to say men hate us. I don't think we realize how much we are coerced into hating our true selves which in turn forces us to change our true selves. When we so often see beauty equated with success, such as our idol worship of movie stars and models, we immediately believe we are failures. When a female politician advances in the ranks, she is condemned for her new hair style or her dress.
Take the case of Rudd's wife Therese Rein, who was plastered by fashion critics while accompanying Rudd on his world tour.
IT'S time for Therese Rein to put style ahead of substance, according to some of Australia's leading fashion designers.
After a week on the world stage, accompanying her Prime Minister husband Kevin Rudd on his 17-day tour, Ms Rein has been in the media spotlight more than at any time since last year's federal election victory.
And her fashion statements during stops in Washington, New York, Brussels and London have left some of the country's top style experts asking questions about her choices, given the public focus now placed on leaders' wives.
No one seemed to care that Therese Rein is a millionaire businesswoman who is probably one of the smartest of Australia's first ladies in a long time.
Compare that to the adoration directed to the French President's wife Carla Bruni, a model and singer, on her trip to the UK.
For Carla Bruni, the new wife of France's president Nicolas Sarkozy, the state visit to London has been a metamorphosis of leaving her past behind and emerging as the first lady of fashion.
So in order to finish this entry, because I have no more to say, I will simply leave you with a quote from a very astute anonymous commentator:
3 Stars Have Something To Say!:
Hey Amy,
I think I ALlready said my bit about what you discussed this in the e-mail I sent you. I completely agree with you on what you are saying.
Melissa :)
Hi Amy!
I found this post quite an interesting one -- I've always been fascinated by the idea that 'women dress for other women'. Do you find that much in your daily life? Like, do you find yourself studying other girls/women, like studying what they look like? It's true, women are measured on their success by how good they look while they do it -- I guess that's why female entertainers hold the attentions of the female audience much more than the likes of Therese Rein. Last semester in one of my classes where we were studying gender, something similar to what you said about Rein came up: two girls who were doing a presentation of gender gave us a copy of a Cosmopolitan magazine's From The Editor where she was saying that she'd been asked to do a piece of Hilary Clinton's fashion and rate it (negatively). She objected and mused about doing a fashion critique about the prominent male politicians.
I think it's a catch 22 of a situation with the girls allowing themselves to be judged by guys... on the one hand, it's nice to be appreciated for how you look, but on the other this appreciation shouldn't be something you sell yourself out/short for. It is a mistake for a girl to measure her self worth by a guy's opinion because bear in mind that guys tend to polarize women into virgins (wife/mother material) and whores (fuck buddy who is there for his convenience). When a guy sees a girl as the former, he's not going to know what to make of her sexuality and with the latter, he'll probably treat her as though she's expendable. However, the woman's battle has been all the more complicated in 08 given that more and more women insist on using their bodies to make a living. Personally I blame the Pussycat Dolls and the American entertainment industry in general, but that's just me.
By the way, happy birthday for last week! I tried to give you a call a few times on the weekend (on your 0433 number). What's been happening?
C/TW
Hi Amy,
First: don't ever even think about treading into bullimic territory: one of my oldest and bestest (yes an entirely madeup word) friends has been there and it's a slippery road, and not one I want you going down. I myself struggled with mild anorexia (and body dysmophia) for years in high school: it wasn't until I left home and moved out (now what does that say??) that I was finally okay with my body shape and embraced it: and honey I was so much happier for it.
But I still do judge myself against other girls to a point: you know the ones: perfect clothes hair and makeup and gorgeous stilleto heels. I struggle with it mostly because I know I am capable of that but I never have the money to spend to get myself looking like that. But yet they make it so effortless: they breeze in, spend a whole lot of money on clothes and then go on looking fab. Ummm I find it so annoying....Erksome really!
GRRRRR! They make the rest of us look bad!
Love Jo
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