Race and Love

WARNING: This is an EXTREMELY long entry.


- How could you deny this guy isn't gorgeous? Korean superstar Rain.


So I've been incredibly interested in the whole interracial/intercultural dating debate recently and why it still remains such a huge issue to some people.

My interest was peaked while reading a really good blog, UltraBrown, who had summerized the study briefly.

Check out the full entry here and an excerpt of the findings is below:

Familiarity breeds contempt: The more members of a particular minority there are in your home town, the less likely you are to date them. And the more blacks in your neighborhood, the more prejudiced you are. Fremont and Edison, take heed.
Black women and Asians are perceived as the least attractive, including by Asians themselves
The group least willing to date out of its race, and the pickiest group in general, is white women
Racial solidarity: If there are only one black woman and man at a speed-dating event, the woman’s affinity for the man rises; the effect vanishes if there are two black men

This from the horses mouth, from a researcher writing in Slate magazine:

Another clear gender divide, this one less expected, emerged in our findings on racial preferences, reported in a forthcoming article in the Review of Economic Studies. Women of all the races we studied revealed a strong preference for men of their own race: White women were more likely to choose white men; black women preferred black men; East Asian women preferred East Asian men; Hispanic women preferred Hispanic men. But men don't seem to discriminate based on race when it comes to dating. A woman's race had no effect on the men's choices.

Two wrinkles on this: We found no evidence of the stereotype of a white male preference for East Asian women. However, we also found that East Asian women did not discriminate against white men (only against black and Hispanic men). As a result, the white man-Asian woman pairing was the most common form of interracial dating—but because of the women's neutrality, not the men's pronounced preference. We also found that regional differences mattered. Daters of both sexes from south of the Mason-Dixon Line revealed much stronger same-race preferences than Northern daters.

I find it funny how women are the pickier gender when it comes to dating outside of race, and I guess that really does fall to the fact that men will date anyone they consider "hot".

It is definately the opposite with me - although I don't want to date people just because I think they are "hot".

I always thought I was weird because I have never really found white men attractive. Maybe it's the fact that I don't have a white father and I've heard that people are more likely to be attracted to people who have the same kind of features as their opposite sex parent. Whatever the reason, I've just never been attracted to caucasians - sure, I find some cute, but overall they just don't do it for me!

I figured this out when I was in grade 9 and went to Samoa. On route to this absolutely beautiful country we stopped over in Auckland in New Zealand, which to my regional Queenslander eyes was an awakening. I had never up to that point been in a place with so many Asian guys ;) I remember writing in my journal (which I know my mum embarressingly read accidentally) that I thought the "Japs were the cutest". I still have that entry buried somewhere!

Then when in Sydney last weekend one of the guys asked me who I thought was good looking and I pointed to this Asian guy, at which he replied "ewww!!!" And I said, I think Asians are nice! At which he kissed my hand rather gentemanly and commended me for not being so shallow. Apparently he had never really met other non-Asian girls who thought Asian guys were alright.

Weird? I think so. I was talking to my sister today and she was joking about how she just loved Maori boys, to the point where she "wanted one"! (My sister can be very straightfoward sometimes :P) I asked her if she similarly thought Asians were good-looking, because I have always thought Polynesians looked similar to many Asians (and I've heard somewhere that Maori had originally come from Taiwan). Of course, she replied "NO! They look completely different!"

I don't think they do look different. There are just as many beautiful Asian men as there are beautiful Polynesian men. And I don't think that one race is specifically more beautiful than the others. But we look at them differently and form our own judgements.

The other thing that came to mind when reading the findings of the study, was that black women, like Asian men, were also not held in high esteem. I found this ridiculous, but looking at society, it almost holds true. I've said it before, but the people we aim to be like, and look up to, all have kind of white features.

I remember a line from "Rolling Stone" when describing Beyonce saying something like she was "not so overwhelmingly Nubian that a white person couldn't appreciate her beauty".

- from Chris's blog

Growing up as a "half-caste" (the better word is bi-racial, but i feel weird calling myself this for some reason!), I was always the lighter of me and my sister. And it seemed that I was always complimented alot more on my looks than my sister was. While my sister had beautiful black eyes, I had green ones, and people would compliment them and me moreso than my sister. I don't think it was because I was prettier than my sis, I think it was because I was whiter.

In fact, one of the "black" traits I have - my big islander nose (which I have grown to love :)) - was the one feature that people would tease me about. But what would I be if I had a "perfect" little European nose?

SO while dwelling on why Asian men aren't considered "hot" (even though they definately are. Case in point: Bi!) and why black women aren't as sought after as other races (which is ridiculous, some of the most beautiful women in the world are black), I came to the conclusion that it is really society that drives us to think this way.

I found this amazing analysis on it on this one blog - What They Don't Want You To Know...I just had to share it.

In it, the author looks at why there is a 70 percent single rate among young black american women (I have no idea if this is a real statistic). Basically the author comes to the conclusion that it all depends on the "social value" of the woman - and "Simply stated, it seems that black men in the U.S are systematically being over-valued while black women are being under-valued."

The average black man is now considered "more of a catch" and thus has higher social value than the black woman. As a result, black men have much more relative power and influence in relationships with black women. Black men can afford to be pickier and choosier, and often feel that they are too good to be tied down to just one woman. Black women as a result have to set their sites lower, and even feel "lucky" when they catch a man who would otherwise be beneath them.

So what has caused this over-valuation of black men and undervaluation of black women? The inter-racial dating disparity between black men and black women is one of the primary reasons for this warped dynamic.

But in order to understand how this is happening, one must first understand the fundamentals of supply and demand. Generally speaking, the demand for something has a direct impact on that something's value, while the supply of something has an inverse impact on that something's value. For example, if the demand for oranges goes up, the value of oranges goes up. If the supply of oranges goes up, the value of oranges goes down.

As applied to the situation of inter-racial dating in the black community, it is easy to see that when black men date inter-racially they are in effect reducing the supply of available black men from the pool of single men, thus increasing their own social value. Furthermore, by dating inter-racially they are perpetuating the already popular belief that black men are "masculine" and African features on men are attractive to women of all races, thus increasing the demand for themselves which also increases their own social value.

On the flip side, when black women refuse to date anyone but a black man, they are increasing their own supply in the pool of single women, thus decreasing their own social value. In addition to this effect of increased supply, they are also perpetuating the belief that black women are not available or attractive to men of other races which decreases the demand for black women which further decreases their own social value.

I also loved this other quote from the same blog, different entry:

It is human nature to look out for and protect the best interest of those whom we love. Keep this in mind when addressing the issue of black men dating out and disrespecting black women. Whose best interest are they looking out for? I think the answer goes without saying. And with this in mind it seems quite obvious to me the one thing that black men and black women have most in common. Black men and black women both love black men.

I think this can also be applied to Asian men as well - I mean, it seems that every race of man is absolutely in love with the Asian woman - apparently the stereotype of the submissive, beautiful woman is still inherently there! So because Asian women are held so high in society, and Asian men are not, there creates an imbalance and interracial dating becomes frowned upon.

When it comes to interracial dating, people often can't believe that there is still so much debate around it. I mean, surely, in the 21st century we have gotten past such pettiness?

My mum wanted to marry a black man when she was young, and low and behold, that's who she married. Apparently her father wasn't too happy until I popped out - now my dad knows more about my grandfather and his wartime and family history than my mum does!

When it comes to white/Asian couplings, it is different. Whether you are a white man dating an Asian woman (mail-order bride stereotype) or a white girl dating an Asian man (he's such a nerd! stereotype) - I think the debate is now more predominate.

My mother used to always say that if I marry a Vietnamese I will be disowned! From that day on it made me even more adamant to marry a Vietnamese man. An interesting thing is my mum used to love in a place in Sydney that had a big Vietnamese population and she is now living in a regional place that has just had a huge population increase of Vietnamese people - maybe that whole "familiarity breeds contempt" is true! Please note, my mum is not racist and I still don't know if she was just teasing me!

So what am I trying to say?

I think bi-racial or mixed kids (I still don't know which category I fall into!) obviously are less likely to be weired out by interracial dating. And I think they are more likely to date outside of race. I could marry a black man and not be dating out of my race. I could marry a white man and not be dating out of my race. I could marry an Asian man, and who would care because it has come to the point where I don't even have a race, I only have an identity and a nationality. I am too mixed to say that I am one race. But this doesn't make me any less of what I am. For example. This would not make my children any less South Sea, any less Aboriginal, any less European. I would allow them their own identities, regardless of their looks, because that is what I have had to deal with in the past.

The solution is, don't look down on someone just because of who they happen to fall in love with. If you see a white girl and a black guy, don't assume the guy is disrespecting you just because he happenned to fall in love with that girl. If you see an Asian man with a white girl don't just assume the girl has "yellow fever" and will grow out of her silly phase.

And now to sign off, I leave you with the very handsome Gary Valenciano a Filipino musician superstar and absolutely AMAZING dancer!



UPDATE! I also had to share this other video I found of this great Filipino-American singer. His name is Jeremy Manongdo and here is his myspace. He's Christian and he's gorgeous and he can sing :) Gotta love the Filipinos!